Pink and brown

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


I haven't wanted to blog in a very long time. Maybe because I don't like to talk about myself or my family. Maybe because it was because I decided to make several hard decision. Maybe I am tired of trying to hold onto relationships even if there is not a response on the other end. Maybe I am tired of trying to make other people happy.
I have decided to continue with school. I started right after high school. I wasn't ready for college. I know many people are. I am not a school person. I have never learned how to study properly. I have this little voice in my head that tells me I am not smart enough. I have people in my world that continue to look at everything negative. If you choose to be miserable, please don't spread the wealth.
Happiness is a choice. You can choose to make the best of your situation or you can keep things the same that they have been. You can't live your life wishing that you were somebody else. Don't compare yourself to others... You will never measure up.
We live our lives day by day. Our presence may or may not impact others in our lives. Sometimes life doesn't always turn out where you want it to be, but without our memories, we would not have made some choices in life. You can't regret the past, live in the moment, and look forward to the future.
Be thankful for the few close friends you may make, the ones that you can count on, even if you haven't seen them in a long while, the ones you can just call out of the blue, and it seems like you haven't been apart for more than a few days.
Be grateful for family. They are there for you when you need them. Usually a phone call away. Sometimes they are the only ones that are there when you need them.
I chose to change my life this past June. I wanted to finish school. I think you have to be ready for school for it to be a priority. Knowing it would take time from my little family, and with the support of my husband, I have gone full force into changing my life. I don't see my girls on Mondays. Sometimes, it makes it hard to keep going. But, this will only last for three years. I can choose to do this, or I can be in the same place in three years. I don't think that I want to keep on going in the same direction. I am tired of the people at work being so negative, and so hateful. It is not a way to live your life. If you aren't happy change it.
So I have these little voices in my head that keep saying that I have to get straight A's. For me, that is very hard. I work full time, have two kids, and am trying to go back to school after over a decade of being away from structured learning. Becides I am not good at writing... I am getting better.
I am proud that I have finished three, yes, three classes so far. I have gotten an A, B+, and an A-. Pretty good start. The B+, some students had stated that this was the hardest class that they took... Economics. They should have split it into Micro and Macro, but it was one class that was crammed into 5 weeks.
I am proud that I am changing my life. It may not change circumstances right now. But I am chosing to make progress.